A change is coming

 

Due to technology being more of a pain in the ass than a help most days, I will be changing a couple things. 

I struggle to make blogger posts look reasonable on mobile devices and on pc. Instagram and the clock both are all about the reels and talky talky, which I am not about.  I will continue as I have on insta and tok posting random bits of insight into my life in snippets and bite sized bits and bobs.  I will post here on blogger with more long winded blathering on about whatever is floating my goat at that moment. 

Intrusive thoughts will continue, however I think I will be moving it to Tapas and making it part of an ongoing comic series rather than posting here. I may post here with special one of a kind or originals that vary from the published things on Tapas.  Webtoons, one offs, and serial novels of the graphic plus too many words variety.

I expect hordes of followers any minute as I suddenly become famous overnight.   <giggles in goblin>

not yet

 I wonder sometimes if there are people who shed their belongings and simply find ways to wander the world. 

No ties to any nation, pedagogy or religion. 

Simply walking their way around this Earth and enjoying what it has on offer. 

It sounds utopian and dystopian. 

It sounds like an idea hatched of fantasy, and yet.  

We came from hunter gatherers. 

We lived often in migration. 

Spending summers in one local and winters in another, following resources and cycles of Earth.  

Something deep inside me has always longed to return to what is in my dna, the desire to follow the seasons, to sleep when I am tired and wake when I wake.

To follow my internal rhythms and not an external clock and calendar created by greedy men.  

This understanding that the entire thing is a house of cards and totally manufactured at the expense of every living thing also makes me wonder if exiting stage left, no bow to the audience (there never was an audience) just a silent fare thee well. Knowing that maybe next time around it will be less <this> waves hands around.  

 there has to be something...

screaming to be heard

I once screamed into the void  to save me from myself

Marriage family

lost childhood 

white dress death

Fall in love 

a happy ever after

Run wild ride a horse.

Become a great artist 

make beautiful things

Deja vu in a small town

Over and over 

nothing changes 

decomposition 

Idyllic decay

Toxic patriotism 

False history

Fame by name

Lost it all

Made mistakes

I once screamed into the void  to save me from myself 

spring a masterpiece

when spring has sprung and winter is done there comes this strange sadness.

like losing a friend putting them aside, as the next one blossoms before me.

there is a ghost like quality to the changes of seasons. when i sit with them i feel the movement of the universe, time stands still and hurtles forward.  

these moments flash before my eyes. 

don't blink

don't blink

what comes next is still a mystery even after 56 springs have sprung.

i savor and enjoy every single one.

 

A bitter nostalgia

 

A bitter nostalgia 

An imagined past

A future contrived of past imaginings and bitter nostalgia for a childhood that  existed only in the scripts of sitcoms absorbed by the masses. 

Televisions lighting the windows as evening closes in on unsuspecting beings force fed a diet of regurgitated beliefs sent through a tube and thrust out of a box. Casting a sickly light on the faces of youth, false promises and  fake news. 

Scaring into complacency,
scarring them through the trauma of being an american through no fault of their own.  

Cast upon the world like a ragged net hoping to catch fish only capturing the trash of those who raised them.  

standing in a swamp of discarded hopes and dreams, with the rains of rhetoric pounding down like a stormy night sky heavy with the weight of ozone. 

The smell of grief for a life never lived and a past only imagined.  Bitter nostalgia.

I went on a journey

I took a last minute trip to Taiwan. I had a great time. I found myself lost more than found, which is ok. sometimes the best time is had by being completely uncomfortable and reminding myself in past lives we would have used instincts and landmarks and since I do that naturally it takes time to settle in and navigate properly.

Three days is not enough time to really take in a city but I was able to see a few landmarks, meet some new people get invited to a gallery show opening, an incredibly special and important one. It was an invitation show that included many of the Asian countries, to compare and show the diversity among artists. I met a bunch of lovely women and a few men. It got too peopley for me pretty fast so much picture taking. 

I like being behind the camera not in front of it. When in front of it my desire to not be perceived gets triggered hard. I have no idea what to do, smile no my teeth are bad, am I standing right, omg I am towering over everyone, do I look fat and frumpy (of course I do that's my look these days) omg am I embarrassing these people, etc ... 

and it doesn't end until the pictures stop. Having my picture taken makes me want to crawl under a rock and not venture out.  Due to working in a Hagwon I have learned to just pose with my students and make finger hearts and know it will be over quick. The parents know their kids teacher is a fat, old, white person. So familiarity with my students makes it more tolerable although to be honest it still stresses me out immensely.

back to Taipei

I stumbled upon a temple that absolutely appealed to me in every way. I felt awed and welcomed, I was looked at due to being a tourist but also welcomed warmly. The temple itself was incredible and I went back over the course of 2 days 3 separate times, when I left I went and left an offering. I still did it all wrong I am sure but I hope they know I was truly in awe of it all. And have the utmost respect.

Oh and of course when I got lost the first morning my feet took me directly to a botanical park I had no idea existed. So yay instincts knowing where to go.

I definitely want to go back and spend more time there. If I live long enough to retire I would like to spend a couple months or so there, winter is lovely there.

and

I returned home to Changwon and promptly came down with the flu and have been sick as hell for the past 5 days.

Wandering where tigers roamed

 

Another day off and another wandering in the local park. A wandering of my mind as always. Today I walked to the top and went slower and more thoughtfully. My goal was to not stress my breathing and cause the usual chest pains.  Something about me. My stupid ass was a smoker for about 20 years. That would be bad enough however I am allergic to smoke, highly reactive. So now I have allergy and exercise induced asthma. I also have very diminished lung capacity I operate on about 30% of what I should have.

I say this not for sympathy or suggestions but to paint an image of what its like to be someone who wants to climb just over the next hill, and whose legs get in shape quickly just by walking up steep hills. My lungs cannot keep up, so today I decided I would try walking at whatever pace kept me from breathing like I am about to die. It was hard to do really hard to do because I want to keep going, just keep moving. after I made it to the top I took a random trail and wandered all over the backside of the hill even crosses a little old log bridge over a ravine. saw some amazing rocks and trees.

My thoughts often get the best of me. I find myself sad, or tearing up over things that never were and never will be. Its a strange form of sentimental regrets about what might have been. It doesn't last long but it happens whenever I find myself among the trees and nature. often I will stop and jot my thoughts into my obsidian notes, and that is enough to clear my mind and focus on the present moment. i remind myself that the present moment is the only one that matters, the past is gone, the future isn't guaranteed. and when i do that i find myself with hilarious thoughts. looking around at some shrubby bamboo and trees of several varieties, red dirt/soil whatever you want to call it, i find it beautiful. i think of all the times i walked forests filled with cougars and bears and creatures. the forests here once had tigers and bears. that thought struck me, momentarily i thought what a way to go to be taken out by a tiger in a place it no longer exists. which then leads my mind down a trail of wondering how different forests were when tigers roamed there.

Some say touch grass but for me the only answer is to touch trees, rocks, earth and water. 

Hyperfocus and my artists life.

I have a super power called hyperfocus. It is also my kryptonite. Currently teaching and creating art lesson plans and curriculum are all consuming.

But I did sneak out to a wonderful book store. Also public art is everywhere.

Is this art? I dunno but its creative for sure.

And the more colonial style bronze in the town square.

Not much else. I hope to get out and take more photos as the weather warms and the days get a little longer.

Time to head to work.

settling in

Lets start somewhere in the middle.

The first week was a whirlwind of familiarizing myself with my immediate neighborhood. And going to work each day to shadow and get an idea of how it works.

Let me start by saying these kiddos are incredible humans. They basically begin working 9-5 by age 3. I am not joking. They go to school from 9-5. They are happy, kind, silly and smart. Most of them are super interested in learning like most kids. 

We wear slippers at work. To be fair i see lots of slippers in the streets as well. You have indoor and outdoor slippers. Bags are something everyone carries, men women, kids, even dogs in strollers have bags. 

Food here is marvelous if overwhelming. Groceries are ridiculously expensive so same as back home when I left.

Weather has been super cold teens in F and super mild near 70F the day i arrived.

I have been taking pics and even done some drawing and painting. But i caught a cold so my week of break has been less travel and more watch kdramas and study korean with nearby short trips.

I have seen some local things. Behind my house is a hill with bronze age settlement remnants. This exact location has been used as home for a long long time. 

Across the street the other way is a new planned highrise development and the location of a new starfield mall. It was an unused military base. So here i sit sandwiched between the ancient and the modern.

I will try to drop a photo dump reel on tiktok and insta but have not had great luck recently.

Until the next installment

Travel images

I mentioned I often take photos to capture a place or to capture a moment how I view it. 

My memory is weird, my brain works different. I forget things that are not in my immediate spere of existence. Its not intentional it is just how it is. It is why I can struggle with names of people I meet until I see them enough times for it to stick.

Age has only made it more evident.

So often my pics are also one part my memory one part art.

 I knew I had gone to Korea, I recalled having a great time and certain things stuck. But when looking through my pics I would recall all the things I had forgotten because they werent in my current sphere. What I did know was I had to get back.

So on that note I am going to share some of the images from the trip that I took because I found them interesting. Others may find them less so, but for me each image connects to a memory that has already begun to return to the ether.

Leaving Seattle seeing the sound from above feels so strange 

Arriving in hawaii watching boats on the ocean below me

A dancers feet captured in bronze.

In the airport because of course.

Pianos are common in airports and other public spaces. This was in the airport in Japan and a woman had stopped and played not long after I took this picture. I love the no lounging sign on the wall. This section of the airport they didnt want people sleeping.

Blurred images out a window on a rainy morning. At once familiar in an unfamiliar place.

An empty bus station, shelter from the rain. It could be anywhere.

Traces of trees as if the memory is fading mid photo.

I will write more in another blog post and add images. For those friends who were interested, I will try to keep this up and of course my instagram always has images going up. 

Adventure as an artistic expression

It  all starts with a view out of a window. 

Where the window is or what I see through that window matters less than the thought of something out there pulling me to explore. This adventure started about a year ago at the end of another adventure. But that's not where the story starts.  So I will begin as I often do in the middle.

The first window was a car window on a long drive. Then I visited my son's home when on his adventure and I could not resist the view from that window as my starting point for this writing.

First a thing about me I am not concise. My professor tried and tried but concise is not in my vocabulary. I am also not the most well written or spoken so enjoy the ride it will probably get messy.

My flight portion of the adventure began at seatac very early. The sunrise was glorious. Something to note, when flying within the USA seatac tsa are rude mean and just downright awful. Its a horrifying experience dealing with them.

If you are leaving the USA however they simply shove you through and want you out of the way. 

anyway here is a barely edited account of the first leg of my journey written while flying.

First up is how to write on a phone. This is often the first stage of my artistic adventure. Today I find myself 30k above the earth in a plane in the cheap seats. Its confining and uncomfortable at best. But the destination makes it worth the momentary discomfort.

My ears hate the barometric pressure shifts so earbuds live in my ears even when music is not playing. Its weird how the flights offer the absolute minimum these days. Maybe that just America. Time will tell I have a flight not originating in America.

Flying is kinda a trip sometimes you are in the clouds, sometimes above them. Every so often there are glorious views of fantastic places. A strange vibration with bumps and dips, reminiscent of being on plane in the water when captaining a boat. Strange how much I feared it for so long. Its brought me some incredible joy. Even now typing has become a challenge due to rough seas or skies. Weathering the storms of living is part of my human and artistic existence. Often it seems extra challenges are tossed at me only to turn out just fine in the end.

Leg cramps are a thing this time. I need to hydrate when we land and stretch, my body dislikes all this sitting.  Documenting my experience as it unfolds is also strange. My ears are feeling pressure and I have more motion related annoyances than last time. The children in front of me are taking it rather well considering how confining it is.

Almost to Hawaii my body is already pretty painful. The flight itself has been not bad, considering how many kids are flying they are doing great go kiddos.  Its strange to just sit with your thoughts like this. I cant really do much a little writing watched a movie. Snapped window pics for my socials. How pedestrian of me.

Leg two begins in Hawaii. I will write another blog with more photos from the trip. Mind you my travel photos are still taken with my artists eye rather than as a document of tourism. So my photos are my photographic style as an artist who uses a camera sometimes. And my personal view of the world.

Ahyhoodles on to the next leg. Oh and a note I gave up capitalizing about 2 years ago when I lost the use of my dominant hand for a year. I attempted to use them in this piece but am finding it tedious and painful. there is an entire movement related to why capitalization is unnecessary and classist, but we shall save that for another day.

back to the friendly skies.

Flight leg 2. Plane is running behind it needed a part. Thats a mildly terrifying announcement. Next up 9.5 hours to tokyo then try to figure out getting to narita early in the morning. Its all so close. I have to continue to have patience, still not my forte after all these years.

May all the travel entities watch over us and keep us safe.

The flight was uneventful i watched movies and slept. The dinner was decent and first meal in forever ok so in about 20 hrs. Landed late in Tokyo. 

Long process getting through customs and immigration. Arrived too late to move to the next airport, so gonna go first thing. Looks like some luggage weight issue may be a problem, hoping no one is checking bags so its an easy pay extra.

Oh convienence store triangle bibimbap/onori were my first purchase and a bottle of tea. Food seems cheaper in Japan than Korea but that may be perception. The weird thing is I dont know any Japanese so find myself reading the Hangul relying on the english but finding Hangul more familiar. Its kinda odd. This will become a blog post. One more leg in a few hours.

Alright back to airport xmas music and barley tea.

The bus ride was quick and comfortable. The drive went through some pretty scenery it looks so much like home here or so much like western washington.

Narita airport was super fast check in. I flew through in 20 minutes. My gawd my bank charges an absurd amount of money for foreign transactions. Anyway it is all done.

Leg three and I am feeling like a wrung out run over wet dog. Thankfully its just a short hop. I didnt write much on the flight.

Flight to Korea was silent no one talked. I had forgotten how quiet Korean public transit is. A little turbulance but not bad. We flew up above the rain and it was sunny the whole way. Dropped into busan to near 70 and rain. Also got ignored by the bus ticket counter guy and my first ajuma stared me down. Ahhh right welcome back. Lol

Hello Busan goodbye Busan

The bus to Changwon was slightly terrifying, again. I forgot that inter city buses get scarier the further out of city you go. 

Made it to Changwon was picked up by My director and whisked to my adorable tiny apt. 

And this is where i will end this part of the story.