Another day off and another wandering in the local park. A wandering of my mind as always. Today I walked to the top and went slower and more thoughtfully. My goal was to not stress my breathing and cause the usual chest pains. Something about me. My stupid ass was a smoker for about 20 years. That would be bad enough however I am allergic to smoke, highly reactive. So now I have allergy and exercise induced asthma. I also have very diminished lung capacity I operate on about 30% of what I should have.
I say this not for sympathy or suggestions but to paint an image of what its like to be someone who wants to climb just over the next hill, and whose legs get in shape quickly just by walking up steep hills. My lungs cannot keep up, so today I decided I would try walking at whatever pace kept me from breathing like I am about to die. It was hard to do really hard to do because I want to keep going, just keep moving. after I made it to the top I took a random trail and wandered all over the backside of the hill even crosses a little old log bridge over a ravine. saw some amazing rocks and trees.
My thoughts often get the best of me. I find myself sad, or tearing up over things that never were and never will be. Its a strange form of sentimental regrets about what might have been. It doesn't last long but it happens whenever I find myself among the trees and nature. often I will stop and jot my thoughts into my obsidian notes, and that is enough to clear my mind and focus on the present moment. i remind myself that the present moment is the only one that matters, the past is gone, the future isn't guaranteed. and when i do that i find myself with hilarious thoughts. looking around at some shrubby bamboo and trees of several varieties, red dirt/soil whatever you want to call it, i find it beautiful. i think of all the times i walked forests filled with cougars and bears and creatures. the forests here once had tigers and bears. that thought struck me, momentarily i thought what a way to go to be taken out by a tiger in a place it no longer exists. which then leads my mind down a trail of wondering how different forests were when tigers roamed there.
Some say touch grass but for me the only answer is to touch trees, rocks, earth and water.
